Let It Go

 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:9 (NIV)

You know that feeling you get when you are praying… and it is like you knew you had to pray those specific words?

I had that feeling this morning. I kneeled in my closet and begged God to forgive me, to comfort me, to love on me, to help me do His will.

That’s the thing… I knew that was the whole point of what I was going through. To bring me to my knees, and ask God for help. He already knew I was coming to Him about it, He even knew the words that were going to come out of my mouth. My patient Father… waiting expectantly for me. This was the first time I had gone to Him before my earthly father about such matters… especially matters of the heart…

Ever since I started praying God’s will, the Spirit has spoken to me about it not always being rainbows and roses. This is where my maturity really has grown…

When I pray for things, now I pray for them and end with, “If it is Your will Lord”. That is something I just recently learned. After finding out the hard way that I don’t always pray for what I need, I pray selfishly sometimes. This helps prevent me from some unnecessary missteps.

I see that His will is sometimes hard to get through. It is best, but not always easy. It is what we need, but not necessarily what I want. But it shapes me and matures me, I grow each time.

I also started praying to be used by God. This was also a misconception I had before the Spirit spoke to my heart on this. I will be used by God, I need to submit to Him and admit I need Him in order for me to be used for His works while I am here on the earth.

When I first started praying this I noticed that I was being used by God, but not in the narrow-minded and limited thinking way that I had expected. He uses me for others, sometimes for their hard lessons. Sometimes I experience rejection and judgement because of the things I am supposed to say to people. The way I am used is not always painless. I have a soft heart. If I speak something to someone for the Lord and they reject me, stop talking to me, or end a relationship because of it, I have to be comforted knowing God will work on that individual, that I did my job, and I have to trust the God knows what He is doing.

This is how limited my thinking was. I believed every relationship, including friendships, were a start to finish deal. Meaning, if I started the relationship, the end of its purpose would be a scheduled matter. They might move away, we might have families now, we may have drifted off with communication and only talk a few times a month… These relationships are God designed, these soul meetings that have purpose, but they aren’t planned by us, we just kind of have to ask God what we are to do in them. They don’t always ride out how we thought they would, or close up nice like the end of a movie. We literally are sometimes just supposed to be a glimpse of God in their lives that they may recall years later and see your purpose or the relationship’s purpose in their life.

We might be a fleeting memory, we might meet them again later down the road. Ultimately, relationships are important in God’s work, but they are not planned by us. We have to be open to the Spirit’s guiding.

I recently had to let go of a friend that I didn’t want to let go of. God demanded it and I didn’t listen and follow His guidance willingly, so I made it more painful and drew it out longer than necessary. I don’t like to let go. But I have to let go and let God. He literally tells me what I have to do, yet I still hold on, making it harder for Him to do His work. He really does much better work and He has all the resources in the Universe. Why do I try to resist?

Abba, Lord my God… I am broken, my Prince of Peace. I am disappointed that I constantly let you down. Please Lord, whatever I am holding on to that I need to give to You, please take it from me! I desire Your Will Lord. It is You I am here for, not myself. I know that You love the brokenhearted Lord. I want to be a vessel for Your light to shine through. Please break me for Your will Lord, and comfort me through the hard parts. Keep me encouraged Lord. I know that what hurts now is out of love and for my good, even though it does not seem like it in this moment. Lord, remove my doubt, help me to trust You, and Your plan, because you have so many great things in store for me that I cannot even imagine. In Jesus’ sweet and Holy name I pray, Amen.   

Check out this poem my Titus 2 Mentor told me about, 

“Broken Dreams”: http://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/27113.html